Stop Running: How Avoidance Steals Your Time, Energy, and Potential
The Hamlet Dilemma
"To die, to sleep; to sleep, perchance to dream." Hamlet's dilemma mirrors a modern reality: when faced with discomfort, many of us retreat into distraction, numbing, and avoidance. It’s a short step from a true death of consciousness, clinging to the hope that our daydreams of escape offer more solace than confronting life's challenges.
In a previous article, we explored the dangers of mental autopilot: the passive drift through life that dulls our experience and robs us of meaning. But avoidance isn’t just passive—it’s a deliberate escape, even when we don’t realize we’re choosing it. And the real danger? The longer we avoid discomfort, the more power it holds over us.
The Price of Escaping Ourselves
A study from Frontiers in Psychology found that emotional suppression strongly correlates with depression severity. Each time we push away discomfort, we reinforce mental habits that frame emotions as threats rather than valuable signals.
Consider what happens if you were to put your hand on a hot stove. The pain receptors in your hand would tell your brain to move your hand. Negative emotions act the same way. They tell us that something is wrong and we need to take action. Ignoring that signal would be like leaving our hand on the hot stove and pretending everything is fine.
When I resort to TV to calm my kids down—usually when I'm at my limit—it works temporarily. But once the show ends, the bottled-up emotions haven't disappeared; they've just been delayed. The momentary distraction soothes, but the unresolved stress lingers, often resulting in an outburst of repressed emotions. Compare that to when I can talk them through their big feelings and lead them into breathing more deeply—the difference couldn’t be more clear.
Choose Awareness Over Avoidance
The research behind Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) found that fully engaging with discomfort rather than avoiding it led to a reduction in depressive symptoms. Stretching beyond our comfort zone builds psychological resilience.
Carl Jung famously said, "There is no coming to consciousness without pain." The goal isn't to suffer—it's to stop running from reality so we can respond wisely to it. Our infinite growth lies on the other side of our fear and discomfort. Each time we turn toward those emotions with compassionate awareness we reclaim our agency, reducing their negative impact and moving us towards a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
Your One Thing: Practice "Wakeful Discomfort"
This week, choose one area you've been avoiding - it could be a project, a conversation, an idea - something you have control over:
Set a timer for 5-10 minutes
Journal and ask: "What am I afraid of?"
Notice emerging emotions and physical sensations
Contemplate what these feelings are trying to tell you
Listen deeply and take the next step now!
If overwhelmed, use this grounding technique:
Place one hand on your heart, one on your abdomen
Take five slow, deep breaths
Focus on your hands rising and falling
Remember: Unlike Hamlet, our question isn’t whether to exist, but rather how to exist. The real cost of avoiding our negative emotions isn't just mental distress—it's lost time, missed connections, and opportunities never pursued. Lean in to your fear and discomfort and you will discover a life of meaning and purpose.